I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
