Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
