mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
