i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
