I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
