I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
