You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
