This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
