just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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