i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
