Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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