Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
