I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
