how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
