I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
