Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
