I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
