just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
