Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
