please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
