so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
