After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
A bitchslap is in order.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
