Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
