She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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