I wish I could teleport
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
only you would photoshop your dick
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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