I wish my penis had an off switch
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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