Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize