his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
