I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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