I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
