If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
