Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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