nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize