i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
