Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
