honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
