Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
