i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
