miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
