Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
