it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
