I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
