I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
