If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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