I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
There are leaves in my underwear?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
