Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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