oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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