dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
