So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
