Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I see more hoeing in ur future
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
