Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
