i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
