also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
