life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
