You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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