I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
