I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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