oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
