franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
