To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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