so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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