Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
