I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
