fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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