Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I just sharted jello shots
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
