There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
