im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
