Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
