He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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