mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
