yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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