Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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